Final Blog Post
This week was our final week in
this class. The topic we talked about was Divorce, Remarriage, and Aging Families.
This can be a hard subject for many to talk about, simply because of the
sensitive nature of the subject. I do not have a ton of experience with
divorce, but my grandma and grandpa did get divorced when they were young. He
was not faithful and chose another woman. At that point in time they had 8 kids
and he pretty much left. I really admire my grandma for being the best mother
she could. She never remarried and raised 8 kids on her own. She learned how to
make do. It was still very very hard. This has caused a disruption in my
family. It has caused hurt feelings and even affected the way my father parented
because of his lack of a father in the home. There were a lot of bitter
feelings toward my grandpa. To this day there still is a rift. My grandpa
married a woman that has no kids and never wanted kids. They do their own thing
and don’t make an effort to see family. I hardly even know who my grandpa is. This
is one example of how divorce can travel down generations. It doesn’t just affect
you and your spouse of children in the present moment, but the effects can trickle
down to your posterity.
Did you know that 70% of people two
years after divorce realize it may have not been the best choice? This might
make someone think twice before getting a divorce. Men are usually remarried
again after about 2 years post-divorce. Another statistic we talked about was
the about 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. To me and a
young woman who is not yet married, that is
a pretty scary statistic. How do I know if I am marrying the right person?
How can I do everything in my power to prevent divorce down the line?
I feel like it is important to note
that in some cases, trying to save and rekindle a marriage is the worst possible
option. TO me this mean in cases that specifically deal with some sort of abuse
of mistreatment, or when trying to make the marriage work in having more of a
negative affect than a positive one. Maybe a couple is on the brink of divorce
but decide to work it out? Great, right? Maybe not so great. Maybe there are
children involved, and even though they stay married, they fight all day everyday
around their children. This causes a very chaotic and toxic household that children
should not have to live in. If one spouse is abusive, then it is absolutely not
your obligation to stay.
Just a couple examples from the book on what may cause divorce;
1. Socioeconomic
Status
-
A couple of higher status is less likely to get
divorces simply because of a higher income and education. Financial pressures
add instability to already poor marriages.
2. Age
at Marriage
-
The younger you marry, the higher chance you
have of divorce. 59% of women who married 18 or younger experienced marital
disruption in the first 15 years.
6 Stages of Divorce
1. Emotional-
falling out of love
2. Legal
– stuff
3. Economic
4. Co
Parental
5. Community
– friends
6. Psychic-
acceptance
Challenges of Blending Families
-
Different culture
-
Experience
-
Priorities
-
Parenting
How can you make it work?
- -Develop sense of family identity by saying “family”
rather then “stepfamily.”
-Help each other when working through loyalty
conflicts. It can be hard for a child to maintain close -relationships with
natural parent while trying to develop one with a stepparent.
- Resolve any lingering issues with exes.
-Develop step parenting rules and behaviors that
are acceptable to everyon
-Be aware of and responsive to the feelings and
needs of each member of the family.
- -Nurture a
strong marital relationship.
In conclusion, divorce, remarriage and blending new families
can be a challenge but in a lot of cases there is hope, and things can work
out.
