Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

This week for my class we talked about sexual intimacy in marriage. This was an interesting and informative topic to talk about. I am not married so I have no personal experience but I think that the things we talked about can be really useful for when that times comes for me. I think it can also be really useful for when I have children and have to teach them these things.

            Typically, men want sex more. They want sex so they feel safe and secure. Men often get aroused faster, and can only have one orgasm. Men have a sex drive that peaks around 18 and 19. On the other side of things, women often feel safe and secure first, so then they want sex. Women talk longer to get aroused as well. I have heard it described as lighting candles. You have to take the time to light the woman’s candles and get her excited, whereas men can often get excited quickly. Women can have multiple orgasms. A woman peaks in her sex drive around 30-35 which is significantly higher than man. I found this to be really interesting.     

            One thing that I really learned about intimacy is that it really is an expression of love. If you love someone, you won’t want them doing anything that makes them uncomfortable, and you want sex to be a pleasurable experience for them. Couples should enjoy having sex. It shouldn’t feel like a chore. It was created by God for a man and a woman to be closer and feel more connected as a couple.

We talked about infidelity than can happen in marriage. I know that when I think about being unfaithful in a marriage, I think about physically cheating. Being intimate with someone other than your spouse. But there is also a think known as emotional infidelity. This is becoming close with someone of the opposite gender that isn’t your spouse. You could be spending excessive time together, or oversharing private details about your marriage that should only be discussed between you and your spouse. It is really easy to lose sight of the lines that shouldn’t be crossed. They can become a bit blurry. This is something to be cautious of.

            This leads me into my next subject which is boundaries. Boundaries are something that are so important to be aware of, and to not be afraid to set. For me I know sometimes it is hard to set boundaries because I don’t want to seem rude, or I don’t want to make something awkward. But we HAVE to be able to do that. Boundaries with ourselves, others, our spouses, friends, family, anyone.

We also talked about how as parents, or future parents we should be informed about what our children are being taught. It would be wise for us to make sure we are the source that they get all of their information from about sex. So many things can be skewed and twisted and we don’t want our kids to have those misconceptions in their heads. For me personally, my parents never talked to me about sex or intimate topics like that and I really wish they did. I learned everything I know from friends and the internet and I wish it hadn’t had been that way. It definitely would have been one of the most uncomfortable moment, but it may have helped me later on. I know this is something that I want to do differently with my children. I want them to get their information from me but more importantly I want them to be comfortable coming to me with any question they have about anything. I want them to feel like we have an open relationship.

What are your thoughts on this topic?