Early Marital Adjustments

This week in class we talked about transitions and adjustments in early marriage. This was a really interesting topic to talk about, especially since marriage is such a large part of our culture as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We tend to get married younger than the average young adult. Knowing about how to navigate as a newlywed can be super useful, even as someone like me who is VERY single at the moment.

We started out by talking about having a strong foundation to your relationship. Even when you start courting someone, you should start building a foundation that would be able to withstand hard times if you got married. So, what can you do to build a strong foundation to start from? I think honesty, communication, trust and mutual respect is a good start. Having spiritual conversations and living the gospel together. We also talked about problems solving skills, setting boundaries, and learning how to add family and friends in to the equation. These are things that you should start to work on when you are courting. My professor also said that we shouldn’t be dating exclusively until we are in a place that we are ready to marry. I think this is great advice.             If you wait until marriage to learn how to solve problems together you are going to have a hard time. Here is a quote that I really like from class. I don’t remember who said it so I can’t give credit.

“If women can look back positively at how the relationship started, they are less likely to let go of the marriage when things get hard”

What do you feel are some of the foundations that you build your marriage on? How has that helped you when the hard times have come? If you didn’t have a strong foundation, how has that affected you and your spouse?

We talked about the trends in marriage. The average wedding now costs around $20,000 dollars. To me this is insane. A lot of the times the marriage is delayed just so they can save enough money to pay for it. Don’t do this! My professor said that simply being married can reduce a lot of the problems couples seem to have. Cohabiting is not the same as being married. In fact, couple who cohabitate before getting married are statistically more likely to get a divorce.

We also talked about the challenges you might face once you actually tie the knot. They are:

-          Children (fun fact: (okay, not really fun but) Marital satisfaction goes down with the birth of each child)

-          Work

-          Being with one person all the time

-          Finances

-          Decision making

If we know that these are problems that might arise once we are married, it might be wise to talk about how we are going to get through those challenges once they do come up in marriage. If we talk about them beforehand, we will be better prepared to handle them.

In the first couple years of marriage, really try to establish those patterns that are important to you and your spouse. What do you want to do once you have children? What kind of example do you want to set for them? These are important things to think about.

            I really like this that my professor said. He said

“We can do what’s natural, or we can do what’s supernatural”

            The basically means that in marriage, you can do what the natural man would do, or you can look outside yourself and rise about what the natural man would do. Rise about and make your marriage better than you could ever have thought. Marriage is so special and we should treat it as such. Don’t take it lightly, but make it the best you can!